I turned 25. Oh, and its a perfect place to introduce my new awesome friend, Annalee!!

Okay. So my job has pro's and con's right? Well pro, is I get to meet some pretty cool people. Con is I also meet some pretty crappy ones. But I have made an awesome awesome friend out of it! and her name is Annalee.

So.. Its kind of funny actually. Um.. her dog bit someone. And we ended up talking forever, and everytime I went to follow up we kept talking for ever about everything under the sun. And then we started hanging out outside of work.. and then our kids are like the cutest little friends ever.. and... pretty sure she is one of the best things that happened in the last year!

I had to go to her blog to steal a bunch of pics, since I never take any! This is Annalee! This is us on her bday! She is so cute :)

 

Our cute kids!

 

 

 

She has such a sweet personality, she will bend over backward to help me with anything. She is a great listener, has a great outlook on life. Is such a good mom and pursuing her goals in life. did I mention great friend?

 

On Annalee's birthday, Samarah and I were over there hanging out, and I didn't know it was her birthday! so her family brought cupcakes out and we sang. and I just mentioned in passing (I didn't even remember I had said it until she does this awesome thing later) that I have always wanted those trick candles that re start when you blow them out! And that no one had ever done it for me on a birthday cake.. I would try to drop big hints to Chris, actually I just flat out told him but he never remembered around my birthday. Neither did my family or anyone else lol.

 

Well, its my birthday. and Annalee texts me happy birthday, which I was surprised that she remembered! Because she really hasn't known me that long so I was impressed! Well she said she had a card for me, and I was out driving around and said I'd stop by and she told me she was busy and she would run it by my work.. Well I left work a little earlier than planned because I had a half hour to burn and I was going to get my hair dyed.. She came to my work like right as I left..

 

I was like if its just a card I can get it later! she was adamant that she give it to me on my actual birthday. She was being crazy I'm like woman its really not that big of a deal you already remembered my birthday as it is!

 

It gets better.

 

So as I am sitting there she is texting me and she says she is going to bring me my card, all the way from Springville to Orem. For a card? I really tried to talk to her out of it and she was not having it. She drove to Orem, we met in Target parking lot.. She was with her hubby and kids.. she made me sit in the cab of her truck with her husband and made me close my eyes. forever, it felt like. At this point I know its not just a card..

 

She tells me to open my eyes, and BAM there were lighted cupcakes in front of me. She sings happy birthday to me which had something along the lines of 'happy birthday to you i'm' glad we met because my dog bit someone, happy birthday to you' or something like that haha. Anyway, I blow the candles out..... and they freaking re-light.

 

I started crying. I tried to hold back, but after we left, I bawled.

 

They re lit over and over and I kept blowing them out and I'm crying and thanking her.. then she gives me another pan of cupcakes to share with my family.

 

And she wasn't freaking done yet!!

 

She gave me two wrapped gifts!! and lotion!! and THEN she gives me the card, that was supposedly the only reason she was coming to see me! No wonder she had to see me on my birthday!

 

So, why was I bawling? I don't know, because its something that seems so stupid and little, trick candles on a birthday cake. But I have wanted them for so many years, like as long as I can remember. It meant so much to me. I don't even know why, its just candles! she went way out of her way to make my birthday so special! And she planned on doing this in the lobby of the police station ha fire alarms would have been going off!  I cried telling my mom about it later, and the next day telling my family. That feeling lasted for days, of how much it meant to me. Freaking candles!

 

She gave me picture frames, because, another thing I said in passing to this amazing woman, was that I wanted new cute nice picture frames to put the new pics up of me and Samarah. A fresh start with pictures of just her and I. So she bought me two picture frames.

 

Amazing.

 

Love you Annalee and I'm so glad I met you! Thanks for remembering the little things, they matter to me! Lets take more pics of us haha.

 

 

 

A random corndog day

Ok, so I'm trying really hard to be a better mom. To enjoy my daughter while she is in this stage.. instead of always being frustrated. I'm realizing that chores can wait, I need to go out and make memories.

 

Anyway, today we went on a walk! Low 40's and it felt like Spring! ha. Well I was going to walk up to Smith's to buy a ticket from Smithtix... I thought it was a mile.. well it was really closer to 2 miles.. and, neither Samarah or Casey had been on a walk for awhile and it was crazy and took forever for the first bit to get the  groove going.. Well we were walking past Weinerschnitzel and I saw an advertisement for a corn dog.. and I haven't had a corn dog in years! it was like noon and I didn't realize (because it had taken so freakin long to get there) so I decided to get some corn dogs. I got us a few corn dogs (left casey tied to a pole outside while I went in and ordered..) and we sat outside on a bench and ate them, we shared with Casey too!!

 

 

 

She smiles so so good!!

 

We got to Smiths, tied casey up outside and went and bought the ticket.. on the way back home she learned something interesting. About shadows!!  I don't know if she has just not really paid attention before.. but the angle/time of day/where we were walking.. Casey's shadow was huge and like right in front of her stroller and she kept asking me what it was. It took me a few blocks to figure out what she was talking about lol. Then I showed her her own shadow and mine (which were further back and hard to see from the stroller) and I showed her how she could hold her hand out and make shapes. It was kinda cool! It ended up taking us 2 hours and we went 4 miles! but it was fun. And definitely a good memory for mommy!

Dr Seuss characters..

How the hell do you explain to your child what the characters are in the Dr. Seuss books! Haha I mean honestly! I have been reading to her more lately and she is in the 'why' and 'what' phase, soaking up everything and asking what everything is. In every book she points to the pictures and asks.. and in Dr Seuss books I'm like... um... honey I don't know...

Tonight we read the foot book.. She asked me what they were on this page like 3 different times.

 

 

 

On this one, she said, these are kind of ducks mommy. haha you nailed it baby girl, KIND of ducks, like the one above is kind of a dog?

Maybe I should just think of closest animal it resembles and say its a hybrid bear, or a mutated duck or something. Lol.
 

 

 

 

 

2013 "high"lights

Well. 2013. What a year, bittersweet. I have never really celebrated the new year, so to speak. I don't really look at it as the close of another year, and a new beginning. But I definitely do this time around.

2013 was the worst year for me emotionally probably to date. I hope I never feel that way again, and if I do, because life has ups and downs, I hope it does not last even half as long.

How the hell do I sum it up?

We 'celebrated' our 5 year anniversary. Not really. I'm pretty sure Chris was high on something, so we didn't celebrate it. So no pics.

I won that awesome trip to Vegas!

 

 

I remodeled my bathroom! Well, not me, but you know what I mean :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Samarah turned 2!

 

 

SWAT paid a visit to our house and it made front page news

 

(That isn't all the damage, they broke my fence and several other things.)

 

 

I broke promises to Chris and myself, and made choices I said I'd never make.

I had surgery, which did seem to help the issue!!

I made the decision to leave my marriage.

Chris had really really really bad bouts with drugs this year. bad bad bad.

I took a Spanish class in college, which was one of my life goals, well to LEARN it was a goal, which I didn't do. got a long way to go before I do that.

Welcome 2014.

I plan on being a better mother, spending more quality time with my daughter.

Finding out who I am, and never letting that go.

Bring it on year, lets see what life challenges shall be to come.

The background pic on my blog

Its funny how emotions work. For the most part, I have accepted all parts of the whole end of marriage thing, the single income, the single parent part. The dividing of possessions, conquering the good and bad memories. The guilt and hopelessness. Lots of stuff. Anyway, I am having a hard time changing the background picture on my blog. I took down pictures in my house, at work, and for some reason I'm struggling.

I look at this picture, and it represents the best time in our marriage by far. He was an amazing husband during our pregnancy. We got along so well, communicated, did things as a team. I wish it would have lasted.  For some reason, me being pregnant brought out the husband in him. I can't sit here and reminisce on that, I don't want to go to bed all emotional.

Maybe i'll do it after this blog post, maybe not. Its just a picture right?

Sigh.

A visit to Grandmas

Okay, so last time I saw my grandma.. Samarah was...4 months old. Now she is 2 years and a few months! so basically 2 years. So, I told me mom we wanted to go, and I think it was early October that we went up! Samarah did great on the drive! Which is about 5 hours, in Ashton, Idaho.

                                            My grandma that is.. her great grandma.

 

I don't think Samarah liked having to try to pose with Great Grandma

 

This is my Grandma's 90 something year old sister, so is that my great aunt? haha I forget once you get past grandma. Samarah loved her! She is staying with my Grandma for awhile, from Oregon.

 

Its December when I'm posting this and lots has happened since October, but I think the trip was pretty uneventful we were only there 2 days but it was fun.

 

Grandma, me and Samarah. Oh so this is kind of funny, quick story. My grandma chastised me for not wearing make up and getting dolled up A- for my husband B-just because. Every day she gets dolled up, make up, jewelry, to sit around the house (Grandpa is dead) 2 years ago when I was there she just gave me grief for it, so this time I planned outfits, hair products, make up. I got ready and came out, and my grandma said, 'did you not brush your hair when you got out of the shower?' It was scrunched with gel! I was like, ugh grandma!! haha because usually its just in a pony when up there, no make up. anyway it was funny. but once I put some bobby pins in and it settled, she said it looked better.

 

I have taken some advice from her there, I find myself getting dolled up for no reason, and find that I'm actually quite enjoying it and its not such a stretch like I thought it would be.

 

Grandma, my mom, and samarah. Samarah got a lil smile in on this one.

 

I am going to try to visit her more!!  I drove out through the potato fields for the first time, where my mom grew up picking potatoes. We stopped and got some off a combine! My mom was pretty funny, she's like 'look at how beautiful those potato fields are!' and I look over, and its just dirt. not pretty wheat or something tall swaying in the wind, just rows of dirt. Pretty funny. but got a beautiful view of the Tetons, and went and visited my grandpa's grave.. Which I should do every time. I plan on being better!