Chris memorial

Chris was cremated here in Utah. Instead of putting him in the mail and sending him home (I couldn't bear the thought of just putting him in a box to ship him home) I bought Samarah and I plane tickets so that we could personally deliver Chris HOME.

On Friday December 12, 2014 a memorial was planned to celebrate Chris, in Ohio at an inside pavillion type thing near the river. It couldn't have been anymore fitting. That is exactly what Chris would have wanted. He grew up in that town, played in that river, I'm sure drank beer with friends and family in that very Pavillion. (They call it a shelter house)

I needed to go out there for this. I needed to see, to be with, to talk to Chris friends, his family, everyone that is mourning him. To hear the stories, the memories. Those who love Chris. His brother Eric, and his Mom, Linda, set up the memorial. When I walked in.. It was perfect. (Perfect for such an awful thing anyway)

Such a good picture of Chris. One of his mom's favorites.

One of Chris best friends, Mike Casillas (Mikey) found this URN online. and the second I saw it, thought it was perfect. Chris loved Chrome and this just couldn't have been more perfect. It still makes me angry to see Chris in that URN instead of with us. 

I think this was a WONDERFUL idea. Memories are what keeps people going, and it think it was a great idea to have people do this.

This moved me. To tears. Although this isn't a picture of when it was at it's most crowded, it was like this all night long. I would dare say, HUNDREDS, of people came. In and out in and out all night long people just kept coming. People who hadn't seen Chris in 15-20  years, but had bad ass memories of him from junior high- High School. Chris always told me stories about home- some seemed SO off the wall I thought he was exaggerating them. um... Nope. All the times we would go out to Ohio we ran into people who brought up stories and they were always true to what he told me! Chris was a badass and a LOYAL friend and everyone knew he had their back.  There was a guy there who i didn't get to talk to- but I was told he was a guy from another school or something that always wrestled him back in the day.. and he came to pay his respects. I'm in tears now, damnit. Chris made such an impact on people's lives, and everyone knew him no matter where we went. I am so glad I went out there for this. I needed it. I tried talking to a lot of people I didn't recognize. I wanted to know how they knew him, what their memories were. 

So perfect, I have been fortunate enough to have Chris out in Utah with me for the last 7 years. When we bought our house in 2009, Chris made a firepit in our backyard. Chris LOVED that firepit. He always had what he would call "Firepit parties" It was like the highlight of our house. Everyone knew Fenstermaker had the firepit and that was where they'd come hang out. The fact that there was a fire in a place by the river, it was just, perfect. He would have wanted people standing around a fire, drinking a beer and talking about all of his crazy stories.

Chris best friend, Mikey, holding our daughter Samarah. Chris and Mikey remained close all the while we were in Utah. Chris told Mikey everything, the good, the bad, the ugly, the fuckups, the joy. You are a one of a kind friend to him, I'm glad he had you in his life. 

Our daughter Samarah, his neice Jadyn, and his other daughter Jayden. They love Samarah and i'm glad we were able to get some bonding time in.

I hate beer, but this one is for you Chris. You always tried to get me to try all kinds of beer and I always hated them. Never tried this one, but your friends must have known. I finally found one I could stand and not gag. I'm mad you're not here so I could tell you about it. You would have been so stoked that I drank beer and didn't gag.




This was the hardest part of the night. Linda had toyed with the idea of balloons or something to send up at the memorial, but it would be dark.. his niece Jadyn had a great idea of those Chinese Lanterns. They had a hell of a time trying to find some. Linda's best friend picked her up one day and drove to another state and found a place that had them and bought them for her so we could have them.


 Towards the end of the memorial, we had people write words to Chris on some Chinese Lanterns. I think it was good for people.





Then we went outside to light them up.. and at first it was awesome seeing it going and floating up in the sky.. 











And then all of a sudden, it wasn't so awesome anymore. It was emotional, hard, sad, painful. Everyone started sobbing. There was something about it that implied the finality of it. It's floating away, gone. Like Chris. He's gone. Gone. Not coming back. It was VERY emotional and very hard. It was hard to bounce back from that. His niece and other daughter were really having a hard time after that. We had them write on their own Chinese lantern and I wrote on one for us and everyone back home and we lit those up outside. Then we played some rock music, which was totally fitting as well.

Afterwards, a bunch of people went up to Rick's Bar. Everyone has memories there of Chris, good, bad, and crazy memories. We toasted to Chris and had a few drinks, we went to a friends house and shared stories and reminisced. A good way to end the night on his behalf. I'm glad I got to be there for that, as hard as it was. 

I can't say it enough.. RIP Chris. We love and miss you.