One more thing that hurts my heart, but I'm trying to flip it and turn it into something good. Although Chris didn't do much fishing here in Utah, anytime we went home to visit his family in Ohio, he loved to go out to the cottage, and fish on the deck at the buttcrack of dawn. He has many stories about fishing out on the Maumee River, and he couldn't wait to go do it with his dad. Point being, Chris would have taught Samarah how to fish. Whether it would have been here, or whether it would have been when he took her out to Ohio, he would have done it.
I don't fish. I have gone a handful of times in my life but I find it quite boring. No one in my family fishes, so its just not something that interests me. But..
Today, I went to DWR and bought a fishing license. Not only that but a combination hunting license (I'll get to that later). Today, I made the decision to incorporate another part of Chris into our lives, since he is not here to do himself. Today, I made the decision to take charge of my life. Today I made the decision to be a better mother. Today, I am taking a chance on something new, to try to do what Chris would do.
I cried when I was telling the DWR lady that is why I want to get a fishing license. I WILL do the best I can. This is emotional for me, in a good and a not so good way. I feel so good that I made the decision to do this. I just hope that I can keep his memory alive for her, and sit and talk about dad and get stories from family that I can tell her. Maybe little tricks he used to do or funny things he would say.
This fishing license is for me and Samarah, but its really for you Chris, and our little girl.
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