So i like blogs that have pics along with the post some people don't like reading a whole lot but like to look at pics. But I want to write whats on my mind and it does not have any pictures.
As much as I hate to say it, when Samarah was born, I had the baby blues. I did not bond with her. I wasn't happy about having a baby. I was not excited to come home from work to see her. It was a crappy feeling! When she was about 2 months old, one day it just went BAM and hit me out of nowhere, I LOVED HER! I called Chris in tears because i was so happy to feel it. I had just been driving around work and all of a sudden i was so excited to get off work because i couldn't wait to see her and from then on it only got better. Now it is the most intense love and she is the most amazing thing ever. I can't imagine going through the full Post Partum, having the baby blues was bad enough.
We have been fortunate in the fact that Samarah has not really been sick. She has had a few mild fevers but nothing major. Right now Samarah is SO sick. I can't believe how much it seriously tears my heart apart. I know every mother who has had a sick baby has experienced this but wow. I ache so bad and want to take it all from her and it hurts me that i can't. She started coughing and getting a fever on Saturday night, she started projectile vomiting all fluids we tried to put in her belly, including tylenol. (by the way, i now DEFINITLEY know the difference between spitting up and throwing up.) I took her into the doctor on Sunday and she had a temp of 104 and hadn't kept any fluids down for 12 hours. they just said moniter her and give her small portions instead of large amounts to see if she can hold them down. She was able to hold down half an ounce and not throw it up.
Her voice was hoarse and she was weak she wouldn't stand up which she loves to do, her head kept drooping like she didn't have the strength to hold it up. She just cried and cried and was so miserable. Her fever finally broke on Monday thank goodness but she still wasn't eating and she didn't hardly eat on Tuesday either. Chris got her to eat some peas but she wouldn't drink milk. It was so hard to see my baby not being her happy self. a part of me seriously felt broken.
Now its Wednesday and its like the symptoms switched. She has a horrible mucousy cough and when she starts coughing she gags so hard and almost chokes herself. I slept on the floor by her crib last night so i could hear her breathing. I went in this morning to check on her and snot had run out of her nose, down her face onto her neck and even on her clothes and it had dried up. Now she has watery eyes and is sneezing and huge streams of snot come out when she sneezes.
I teared up the other night when she was just crying and crying because i wanted to bad to just take her pain away. When I first had her, i would have told you having a baby sucked. Now i tell you its hard but the most amazing thing ever. This is my first experience with her being sick and i know not my last but my heart aches for her. I love her more than anything and I hope that she gets better soon.
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