THEN: Baby Blues NOW: The greatest thing in life

So i like blogs that have pics along with the post some people don't like reading a whole lot but like to look at pics. But I want to write whats on my mind and it does not have any pictures.

As much as I hate to say it, when Samarah was born, I had the baby blues. I did not bond with her. I wasn't happy about having a baby. I was not excited to come home from work to see her. It was a crappy feeling! When she was about 2 months old, one day it just went BAM and hit me out of nowhere,  I LOVED HER! I called Chris in tears because i was so happy to feel it. I had just been driving around work and all of a sudden i was so excited to get off work because i couldn't wait to see her and from then on it only got better. Now it is the most intense love and she is the most amazing thing ever. I can't imagine going through the full Post Partum, having the baby blues was bad enough.

We have been fortunate in the fact that Samarah has not really been sick. She has had a few mild fevers but nothing major. Right now Samarah is SO sick. I can't believe how much it seriously tears my heart apart. I know every mother who has had a sick baby has experienced this but wow. I ache so bad and want to take it all from her and it hurts me that i can't. She started coughing and getting a fever on Saturday night, she started projectile vomiting all fluids we tried to put in her belly, including tylenol. (by the way, i now DEFINITLEY know the difference between spitting up and throwing up.) I took her into the doctor on Sunday and she had a temp of 104 and hadn't kept any fluids down for 12 hours. they just said moniter her and give her small portions instead of large amounts to see if she can hold them down. She was able to hold down half an ounce and not throw it up.

Her voice was hoarse and she was weak she wouldn't stand up which she loves to do, her head kept drooping like she didn't have the strength to hold it up. She just cried and cried and was so miserable. Her fever finally broke on Monday thank goodness but she still wasn't eating and she didn't hardly eat on Tuesday either. Chris got her to eat some peas but she wouldn't drink milk. It was so hard to see my baby not being her happy self. a part of me seriously felt broken.

Now its Wednesday and its like the symptoms switched. She has a horrible mucousy cough and when she starts coughing she gags so hard and almost chokes herself. I slept on the floor by her crib last night so i could hear her breathing. I went in this morning to check on her and snot had run out of her nose, down her face onto her neck and even on her clothes and it had dried up. Now she has watery eyes and is sneezing and huge streams of snot come out when she sneezes.

I teared up the other night when she was just crying and crying because i wanted to bad to just take her pain away. When I first had her, i would have told you having a baby sucked. Now i tell you its hard but the most amazing thing ever. This is my first experience with her being sick and i know not my last but my heart aches for her. I love her more than anything and I hope that she gets better soon.

First nice day adventure!

So the weather the last few days has been amazing! absolutely perfect weather. We decided to take a walk up the canyon now that Samarah is bigger and loves looking around and is interested in everything.

We don't do much together because of our work schedules so we really have like NO pictures of the 3 of us or really any pics of either of us with Samarah. So we got some today!

Family pic! Some guy walking up there said 'Aww, she looks like an easter egg!' we were like, easter egg, WTF? lol

Takin steps like a big girl!

Going for a ride on that puppy!!!

It wasa much needed get out of the house day.. especially for that pupppy who has been dying for attention/exercise since Samarah came into the world. Can't wait to do more!

Happy St. Patricks Day!

She looked so cute in her Shamrock St. Patricks Day Jammies.. AND she can pretty much almost sit up all by herself without tipping over!

Moab

So my work sends me to a 3 day training (UACOA conference) every year. This year was in Moab! I decided to take Samarah and both my parents went with me to watch her. She is such a good baby... not in Moab! my poor parents! she cried, no, screamed in the room and the only way she was happy is if she was walking around in her stroller in the hallways or outside. It shocked me because she is normally good for anyone who has to watch her and is content to lay on a blanket and play with toys etc. When I walked in for the lunch break the first day and both my parents sighed in relief, i knew she must have been hard.

All throughout conference people would come in and say, oh yeah just saw your mom pushing your baby down the hall, or i just passed your dad pushing your baby outside. She wouldn't hardly eat for them. I felt so bad! When I was in the room she did fine but going to bed the first 2 nights was rough. She just didn't like the hotel room I think! BUT she did amazing on the drive down and the drive home.

A bunch of Animal Control Officers and some spouses that came down went to a Tunnel on one of the days we got out of class early. My mom and me and Samarah went, its called Tusher Tunnel. Here are some pics!
                                                       My mom, me and Samarah

The entrance

Looking out the other end. BEAUTIFUL

Samarah getting a bath in the sink!

Idaho

So I took Samarah on her first out of state trip! To visit my Grandma (her great grandma). It was my Grandma's 84th birthday. So much snow up there! it was fun seeing her..we got a 4 generation pic.


The snow is almost as tall as Samarah

Grandma feedin Samarah!

Snow piled in the middle of the street

Cute baby in the snow!

4 Generation pic! Grandma, mom, me, samarah!

Aunt Gloria, me and Samarah!

Her face is funny in this i think its cute just had to add it!

Sour Face

So i bought Tangerines and Samarah eyeballs and wants tastes of food like crazy so i let her suck on a piece of the tangerine.... This was the BEFORE

And here is the AWESOME AFTER

She is the highlight of my day, seriously!