Chris memorial

Chris was cremated here in Utah. Instead of putting him in the mail and sending him home (I couldn't bear the thought of just putting him in a box to ship him home) I bought Samarah and I plane tickets so that we could personally deliver Chris HOME.

On Friday December 12, 2014 a memorial was planned to celebrate Chris, in Ohio at an inside pavillion type thing near the river. It couldn't have been anymore fitting. That is exactly what Chris would have wanted. He grew up in that town, played in that river, I'm sure drank beer with friends and family in that very Pavillion. (They call it a shelter house)

I needed to go out there for this. I needed to see, to be with, to talk to Chris friends, his family, everyone that is mourning him. To hear the stories, the memories. Those who love Chris. His brother Eric, and his Mom, Linda, set up the memorial. When I walked in.. It was perfect. (Perfect for such an awful thing anyway)

Such a good picture of Chris. One of his mom's favorites.

One of Chris best friends, Mike Casillas (Mikey) found this URN online. and the second I saw it, thought it was perfect. Chris loved Chrome and this just couldn't have been more perfect. It still makes me angry to see Chris in that URN instead of with us. 

I think this was a WONDERFUL idea. Memories are what keeps people going, and it think it was a great idea to have people do this.

This moved me. To tears. Although this isn't a picture of when it was at it's most crowded, it was like this all night long. I would dare say, HUNDREDS, of people came. In and out in and out all night long people just kept coming. People who hadn't seen Chris in 15-20  years, but had bad ass memories of him from junior high- High School. Chris always told me stories about home- some seemed SO off the wall I thought he was exaggerating them. um... Nope. All the times we would go out to Ohio we ran into people who brought up stories and they were always true to what he told me! Chris was a badass and a LOYAL friend and everyone knew he had their back.  There was a guy there who i didn't get to talk to- but I was told he was a guy from another school or something that always wrestled him back in the day.. and he came to pay his respects. I'm in tears now, damnit. Chris made such an impact on people's lives, and everyone knew him no matter where we went. I am so glad I went out there for this. I needed it. I tried talking to a lot of people I didn't recognize. I wanted to know how they knew him, what their memories were. 

So perfect, I have been fortunate enough to have Chris out in Utah with me for the last 7 years. When we bought our house in 2009, Chris made a firepit in our backyard. Chris LOVED that firepit. He always had what he would call "Firepit parties" It was like the highlight of our house. Everyone knew Fenstermaker had the firepit and that was where they'd come hang out. The fact that there was a fire in a place by the river, it was just, perfect. He would have wanted people standing around a fire, drinking a beer and talking about all of his crazy stories.

Chris best friend, Mikey, holding our daughter Samarah. Chris and Mikey remained close all the while we were in Utah. Chris told Mikey everything, the good, the bad, the ugly, the fuckups, the joy. You are a one of a kind friend to him, I'm glad he had you in his life. 

Our daughter Samarah, his neice Jadyn, and his other daughter Jayden. They love Samarah and i'm glad we were able to get some bonding time in.

I hate beer, but this one is for you Chris. You always tried to get me to try all kinds of beer and I always hated them. Never tried this one, but your friends must have known. I finally found one I could stand and not gag. I'm mad you're not here so I could tell you about it. You would have been so stoked that I drank beer and didn't gag.




This was the hardest part of the night. Linda had toyed with the idea of balloons or something to send up at the memorial, but it would be dark.. his niece Jadyn had a great idea of those Chinese Lanterns. They had a hell of a time trying to find some. Linda's best friend picked her up one day and drove to another state and found a place that had them and bought them for her so we could have them.


 Towards the end of the memorial, we had people write words to Chris on some Chinese Lanterns. I think it was good for people.





Then we went outside to light them up.. and at first it was awesome seeing it going and floating up in the sky.. 











And then all of a sudden, it wasn't so awesome anymore. It was emotional, hard, sad, painful. Everyone started sobbing. There was something about it that implied the finality of it. It's floating away, gone. Like Chris. He's gone. Gone. Not coming back. It was VERY emotional and very hard. It was hard to bounce back from that. His niece and other daughter were really having a hard time after that. We had them write on their own Chinese lantern and I wrote on one for us and everyone back home and we lit those up outside. Then we played some rock music, which was totally fitting as well.

Afterwards, a bunch of people went up to Rick's Bar. Everyone has memories there of Chris, good, bad, and crazy memories. We toasted to Chris and had a few drinks, we went to a friends house and shared stories and reminisced. A good way to end the night on his behalf. I'm glad I got to be there for that, as hard as it was. 

I can't say it enough.. RIP Chris. We love and miss you.

R.I.P Christopher Fenstermaker

On November 14, 2014 my world, and many other people's, got turned upside down. Our lives, our hearts, shattered. Our lives will not be the same.




On November 14, 2014, my beautiful daughter lost her dad. I lost my ex-husband. His family lost a brother, a son, a cousin, a grandson. Catalina lost her boyfriend and father to be of their child. Uncountable people lost their friend. Chris two other daughters lost their dad. Our lives, will not be the same.



Its been a blur of  the last 10 weeks. Trying to cope without him here.



I don't know what to say about it right now. I am going to post picture of people's words about him for starters. If you want to read them- great. Its what I need to do, to see all the people who cared- who loved- who have a hole in their heart-who are mourning, mourning such a wonderful man. We miss you Chris.

I hate seeing his obituary. I should NOT be seeing Chris this way. I read about other people in the newspaper. People I don't know. Old people. Not Chris. This should NOT be Chris.

Charisma and fearlessness-- You are spot on!!!!

He loved you guys more than you know.

Linda.. I can't even form words..

Aubrienna put it so perfect. Chris always crossed the line haha but that was just Chris!

Such a handsome charsimatic man.

Keisha put together a get together to honor Chris- She posted some awesome pictures from the past. They all made some good memories and he will be dearly missed! Ugh!

I get comfort knowing some of the things he's laughing at up there.

haha- top right in the back with the white shirt on...

'

NOTHING. NOTHING, gave him more joy than this little girl.  She has the best Guardian Angel EVER. BUT, it doesn't change how much we miss him or how much it hurts. 

RIP CHRISTOPHER. Peace from the demons you struggled for so long here on earth. 

This is just to get it out there. I can guarantee this blog is about to turn into an emotional venting session. Stay tuned if you want to know all my emotions about losing Chris. 

Campout in the backyard!

So I have really been trying to spend more quality time with my daughter and do more memory making activities.. So, on Saturday we went to the farmers market and then played on the playground.. I took her to jakers pumpkin patch in springville (if you haven't been, go it's free and totally awesome) she played there over an hour then she fell asleep which was much needed she took a long nap.. And THEN...

I got stuff ready for a backyard camp out while she napped!! she was so excited! We didn't have the stuff for s'mores but Chris did so he lent it to us..

I waited until it got dark and then I made a fire and we made once s'more each, and we sat by the fire and talked and looked at the stars

Then we went to sleep in the tent! 

Well around 4 AM we were woken up by the wind... Omg it was SO loud!! It was so windy!! Stuff was crashing around our yard, and I asked her if she wanted to go inside and she said no she wanted to stay in the tent. So we talked and hid under the covers.. Then at one point we were both laying down she was a little higher up than I was, and all of a sudden she's like 'I got it mom!!' And I look up and the wind had blown the tent over her head and she like had her hands pushing against the tent holding it away from her head and she just kept saying I got it mom hahaha it was so freaking awesome!!  We were awake for several hours but she was able to fall back asleep.. That is her underneath the stuffed dog LOL

She had a blast and she talked about it for the next couple days.  It was so easy to do and it made such a good memory I for sure want to do more!!

Camping

 I am finally start to actually get out and enjoy life and start doing things! I planned a one night camping trip. Before, I would have been like NO WAY, I am not packing ALL that stuff for one night. But, screw it, why not???

 

I figured all the popular places would be the full ones, and maybe the local ones would be fine. I didn't go check it out, we just took a gamble, and drove up to a spot that me and chris used to go to. and there were a few spots available!

 

 

Well, didn't even think about it. We were roughing it right? so no toilets. My sister and I can pop a squat.. but my mom... not so much. So I ran to walmart real quick and found a portable toilet.. TOTALLY worth the money. it was like $30..but it made it so my mom could sit down. It will come in handy in emergencies too.

 

 

We got up there at like 4pm on sunday.. and was gone by 12 on Monday ha less than 24 hours.. but it was nice to get away for a night, it  really was. and what a beautiful morning

 

 

We though the toilet was pretty funny.

 

 

Mom posing by a branch, she tried to sit on it.. but couldn't quite make it!

 

 

 

We had hobo dinner for dinner sunday night, and cereal Monday. and just  talked and enjoyed each others company. It was worth it, and I want to do more stuff like it!

Princess tea party!

 So, I've been trying to spend a lot more time with my daughter. Quality time I should say. I have been trying to take her to events, taking her to do things away from home, making memories. Well, while driving around Springville, I saw a sign in front of the museum for Princess Tea Party. I bought tickets, $12 each, and waited for the day. I found a little princess dress to borrow from one of her little friends, and by the way, I did not have any idea what to expect.

 

On our way..

 

So we get there, its raining a bit, we are greeted by princesses in the doorway, but Samarah was not having it.. So we took a seat at a table, which had a tea set in the middle of it. Each table was given a different color wrist band, and that was which group event you were to go to first. She was pink, and our first event was dancing with the princesses! 

 Can you spot her dancing one on one with a princess!

 

 

Next, the little princesses all watched a puppet show.. (I think these are 15 min increments)

 

 

 Then they had the little princesses make a craft, one for a kid in a hospital, and then one for themselves. I didn't get a picture of that..

 

Then they walked around the museum and asked which paintings you would decorate your castle with.. then we ate.. So I couldn't see it when looking at my plate, but looking at it in the picture, I see that it is a flower garden! complete with a snail.

 

 

THEN.. they had like a little fashion show. Each princess was escorted by a prince (earlier we had filled out cards about each princess, name, age, favorite princess, etc, and the lady read each card as the princess stood on the box..

 

 

At first I thought $12 per person was kind of pricey, but after going to it, it was well worth it, and the girls have so much fun. just good memories. She has pretty much mentioned it every single day since then. I will definitely take her again next year!